Someone Bring me a Wheel of Camembert

I am very large. Something has happened in the last two weeks that has made me very very large.  Of course I've spent the last few days trying to finish all the stuff I haven't done - like my holiday shopping and cleaning.  This excess activity resulted in the entire day today being spent in bed.  Exhausted. 

Last night a friend of mine who has been living in Paris for the past 6 months came over and I ate all sorts of bad cheese.  I bought it under the guise of it not being for me, but the cheese lady and me....we knew the truth.  So much so that when my husband went back to the Whole Foods today she told him the cheese I was asking about had come in and she comped us a very large chunk.  (Go find La Tur at your local cheese shop and eat it by the truck load...it's stinky Italian cheese all wrapped up in gooey goodness.  Sheep, goat and cow all rolled into one spreadable moment of joy.)

When people ask what I miss most or what I have cravings for, it's cheese. I want soft, smelly, unpasteurized cheese. I want it on baguettes, I want it on crackers, I want to lick it off my fingers and then lick the knife and plate once it's all gone.  Now you know.  It's not a pretty visual, but at least I'm not stuffing donuts in my mouth.  

If you come to visit me, you better bring some cheese or I may not let you in the door.

Sadly I do not feel any closer to cheese eating than I did three weeks ago.  Clearly our friend on the interior has not chosen to start her trip downward.  She's still floating up there, squishing my stomach and causing massive heartburn.  I'm starting to resent her procrastination.  I know, I know...the doctor says some children don't drop until you go into labor and that the fact that NOTHING AT ALL is going on down there doesn't mean anything.  

Everyone is very kind and has been texting and emailing to ask what's going on.  I feel like a loser having to tell them, sadly...nothing.  We made dinner plans for Friday and Saturday because we like to tempt fate.  Plus you really can't expect me to pass up grilled octopus and hummus at Dimitri's. 

We did manage to go to Pub & Kitchen a few nights ago.  It was the one place I haven't been that I really wanted to go before I become chained to a small person.  I had a french onion soup that was really tasty.  They puree their onions making it sort of stew like and thick.  Then I had a gnocchi appetizer that was yummy as well.  The gnocchi seemed to be flash fried which left the interiors so buttery soft they melted in my mouth, no chewing required.  The hostess was a joke.  We went in around 9:30 on a Monday to ask if they had a table.  She told my husband she had one table but couldn't hold it for him while he parked the car.  Sort of ridiculous because in the first ten minutes we were there the entire place with the exception of three tables all got up and left.  Way to know your dining room there sweetheart.   

Thankfully the surly hostess in the over played Tori Burch flats wasn't any indication of the rest of the staff.  

Hey. I'm like 6 million months pregnant, I'm allowed to be bitchy.

Well, I'm off.  Keep your fingers crossed that this kid decides to make an appearance sooner rather than later.  I would really like my bladder back.  Happy Holidays!!