Sunday, December 28, 2008

If you can't see it, don't try to shave it.

Today is technically my due date however I can say with some amount of certainty that there is nothing going on down there.  I grow increasingly immobile but I don't seem to be any closer to getting this child out.

I've also begun to think about how many people will be looking at my nether regions.  When you think about how many people have actually seen the nether regions it's a small number.  One could argue that there have been a few men, but quite honestly it was dark and I don't think they were really checking out the goods.  Certainly a few doctors over the years (literally a few - as in three).  That's it, or at least it was until recently.  This brings us to the last 8-9 months where four new doctors have scoped out the area.  This is intended to make me feel more comfortable in the event that one of these folks actually has to remove this child from said area.  

This natural thought progression eventually led to me wondering exactly how many people I would be adding to this list.  Nurses, a midwife, residents, random hospital people.... dear god.  It is right about this time that I realized that much like my feet, I can no longer see the hoo ha region.  If I were smart I would have taken myself to one of those sadistic Russian women and let her have her way with some hot wax.  I never claimed to be smart.

In my head I reasoned that I have shaved this area for years so I should be able to handle this.  And so I shaved.  Blind.  It wasn't until I got out of the shower to admire my handiwork that I realized this wasn't a wise choice.  If I hadn't been present for the incident myself I might have thought a drunk blind person snuck in the shower with me and wielded that razor.  

It was at this point that I decided I would go get a pedicure....from a professional.

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