Wednesday, February 27, 2008

My Sister: A Holy Terror

As people continue to drop babies around me with the frequency of the daily paper I have realized that some of these little ones are now the siblings of pre-existing little ones. This got me thinking about siblings and so, along with one of my baby gifts I forwarded a letter about my sister and me. Perhaps in hind sight this may scare them.

My sister and I are 4 years apart and I've been told that I was very happy to have a sister when she was born. It wasn't until about a year later when she started walking that I declared to my mother that, "This baby ruined my life" and "I was better off an only child". I think at the age of five it was more about her getting into my stuff than any deep seeded hatred.

As I grew older and she continued to invade my life I would make comments to my parents about hating her forever. Their response was to make me write down whatever I just said, sign it and date it. I think they intend to some day produce these little snippets of wisdom and make me eat my words. Perhaps some day when I have children who are wild hooligans beating on each other. It is at this point that they will give them to me, laugh like wild hyenas and say something like, "paybacks are a bitch".

My sister was annoying but I believe my issue was probably more with my parents and the fact that I was always at fault. If you have younger siblings you know the drill - You should know better, You're older. You could hurt her, you're bigger than she is. You should be setting an example. Blah, blah, blah.

I'll admit to having harbored bitter animosity through most of our young lives but don't you dare feel bad for her. This was the direct result of her superior skill at instigating and antagonizing. Learning to walk was only the start of a long history of torture. She could teach the CIA some new things about how to drive people insane.

Here are some of her greatest hits:
-> Take your rotten little digit and stab your sibling just below the line of sight of parents, over and over and over until your sibling finally snaps and cracks you in the head. Now start crying and let your sibling take a beating for "hitting you".

-> Start screaming bloody murder, for no reason, until a parental unit shows up. Watch as sibling gets crap kicked out of them for "whatever they must have done to make you scream bloody murder like that"

-> Refuse to cooperate with anything your sibling suggests, even when it makes sense....just because. Then refuse to admit you were wrong....ever.

We get along well these days. Clearly we are no longer hitting one another, at least not on a regular basis (that's a special occasion activity), but she still enjoys refusing to cooperate...just because. I am thankful for her husband. At best he is sometimes able to convince her to cooperate and at worst is there to commiserate with me when she doesn't.

Perhaps I also need to give my parents the benefit of the doubt, maybe they'll be giving her the notes when her future children are wailing on each other and driving her nuts...stay tuned.

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