Sunday, September 9, 2007

My Grandmother Needs a New Boyfriend

Another weekend out at the folks house, this time my husband in tow. He's trying to enjoy his three day summer. Since he spent the entire summer studying he is officially the whitest man alive. Yesterday he took his shirt off at the pool and we were all blinded by the glare of the sun off his ghost like complexion. It's like a double whammy. Being German, he's already at a disadvantage and being home bound for three months has only intensified the whiteness. He's also lost at least 8-10 lbs (that's just his luck that it would happen without even trying). Next to the flock of Italians in my family and our friends he looks sort of anemic. They try to feed him, I try to slather him in SPF 60.

We arrived at friends of the family to swim and we were greeted with, "Hey, it's the "Fresh Air" kids. Must be nice for you to get away from the gun shots and the concrete". The weather was superb and the water, due to Carl's obsession with the solar cover, was at 86 degrees. Can't ask for anything better than that!

We soon learned that my grandmother had taken a turn for the worse this morning. She awoke and started screaming that she couldn't walk. There was some sort of lump on the back of her knee. She told my mother that she would stay in bed and proceeded to sit up straight as a pin and stare at the wall. I would imagine this was slightly unnerving to watch, so my mother left the room. My father was put on duty to watch her and he proceeded to sit in the downstairs and watch a Charles Bronson movie. When my mother arrived several hours later my father was still watching Charles Bronson and when she went to check on my grandmother she found her in tears. She had to go to the bathroom, couldn't walk, no one was home, etc, etc. High drama ensued to get her to the facilities. Lots of shuffling and moaning.

Now you're thinking, "Oh, you are so mean. She's 87 and I'm sure she has pain and God have mercy on your soul; someday that will be YOU." Normally I would agree with you but the minute she saw my husband she was like a new woman. She immediately put on an outfit, walked down a full flight of steps by herself and began fawning over him. She did not leave his side for the next 8 hours. In fact, I had to explain to her that I was actually married to him and that yes indeed, I was related to her. I can't attribute the 180 entirely to my husband. My father and I had a conversation with her about the fact that she's living in a two story home and if she can't walk then she can't stay. We don't want her to have to go somewhere else so perhaps she should start exercising a bit so she keeps up her strength. I think she may have started to think about the implications of this and decided that perhaps this wasn't such a bad gig.

We weren't taking any chances, this morning we sent my husband to wake her up. She was all smiles and sunshine. She even let him put her eye drops in. I suggested to my parents they might want to find a "friend" to sit with her so they can actually leave the house.....together. I think a young male nurse would work quite well. Plus she needs a new boyfriend, preferably one that's not my husband.

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