I am Slug

One week overdue and counting. I have assumed the role of house slug. Rolling myself off the couch for water seems far too laborious so I've just begun asking husband to do it. I've constructed myself a pillow nest on the couch and decided that wearing pants it overrated. I have seen every bad movie that cable has to offer. I also watched part of Stars on Ice. Who thought it was a good idea to put a bunch of male figure skaters in what appears to be assless leather chaps and let six of them do modified partner dancing? Maybe this would be ok if they were hot, sadly they were not.

I try to make it out of the house once a day. That doesn't always work. Saturday we made it to The Belgian Cafe for dinner and then onto the Ritz to see Rachel Getting Married. Husband and I were divided on our enjoyment of the movie. He said he sees enough narcissists and doesn't need to watch them when he goes to the movies. I like Anne Hathaway because she's awkward and weird. She was exceedingly awkward and weird in this movie so I was happy. Sunday night we watched The Diving Bell and The Butterfly. Worth an evening of depression.

I have attempted all manner of child eviction. Ginger, eggplant, oregano, acupuncture, etc. For those of you who suggested I have a spicy curry, you can kiss my ass. I would rather be 11 months pregnant than have stomach acid shoot out of my throat and into my lungs. That is a pain I will not miss. Nor will I miss the unnatural relationship I have with the economy size bottle of Tums I carry with me.

Sadly this child has an eviction date of Wednesday night. Today's belly lube and nether region violation resulted in the decision to smoke her out later this week. Apparently we'll start the festivities Wednesday evening with something called Cervidil. Think: Tampon with special sauce. If I'm lucky this might put me in labor. If I'm not lucky I get a nice helping of Pitocin in the morning. Despite my desire for a non-medical birth, I'm not insane and I don't plan to try Pitocin without an epidural.

Keep your fingers crossed that our little friend decides to wise up and make an exit on her own over the next two days.