Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Hi. Anybody Still Out There?

I laughed so hard today that I had to post something here. Honestly, where else am I going to put it??

Further evidence that Facebook is the DEVIL.

Back story: I went to high school with this guy who I honestly believe needs to be medicated. I sat behind him in homeroom for many many years - he was "Jo", I was "Ju". He always kind of freaked me out a little. I heard he got arrested and served time after high school for shipping marijuana in a vacuum cleaner bag. I happily lost track...until Facebook.

There he was - HEY BE MY FRIEND. So being polite, I accepted. My high school has done this big group hug shit where people who I don't remember or maybe never spoke to have friended me and I accepted. I've taken to hiding them all so I don't have to read their updates or see their sad faces.

Yes, I'm a bitch. Moving on.

So it turns out that he's a wacko conspiracy theorist. He starts sending me, and several other lucky recipients, propaganda videos. The government is lying to US ALL! They're trying to KILL organic farming. The war in Iraq was secretly started by Aliens. UFOs UFOs AHHHHHH!

So again, I politely delete and move on with my life.

Then it happened. So our boy genius learns how to tag people in his videos. So instead of using the share functionality, he tags us. Like I'm present somehow in his nutty rant justifying Michael Vick's dog ring by pointing out that "people in Asia" eat dogs. It's called "The Micheal Vick Show", "Animal Killer, or simply a misunderstood product of Black America?".

Allow me to set the stage. It's him, dead center in the camera with a set of big ole headphones. He talks and talks, it's nonsense. I think the point he was attempting to make was that your idea of acceptable is based on where you grew up. Funny I don't know the part of the world where everyone brutalizes their dogs for sport. I digress. And I don't know how the product of black america thing was ever explained, but it's there in the title.

So fast forward to today.

So his video is insane and mildly amusing in its stupidity until my second cousin gets in on the action. Yes, she saw that I was "tagged" in a video and went on out to check it out. Thus ensued a 50+ comment long bonanza of crazy + right wing republican horse woman + stupid + people being funny + I'm not sure what. Here are some of my favorite comments...

Girl I went to HS with: "I would not allow my kids to play at a sex offender's home after he served time....just sayin'." (I think this was alluding to the fact that someone said he did his time and now we should all just forget about it.)

Her later comment: "
I would not let him walk my pitbull, either ;)"

Crazy Dude:
"Vick is someone we can all aspire to be. The All American Feel Good Story of the Year, MVP for Vick!"

aaaaand my favorite response to this...by some dude I went to high school with but don't know,
Acting as though Michael Vick has risen from adversity is like writing a story about someone that cut their own leg off only to rehab it and run a marathon as an amputee a year later. It makes no sense."

The random dude as he rails on this idiot Denise who didn't stand a chance:
Thanks for posting that Denise. If anything you said before that point held any merit, it doesn't now. Nice work."


Denise I feel bad saying anything else to you. It is more and more apparent you are clueless and have no idea what you are talking about with every post. Hang in there though."

Denise's final hurl before disappearing into Facebook land to lick her wounds: "Please don't insult my intelligence. With each post you all make it more apparent the color of the lens you're viewing all of this through. Good day!"

Aaaand right back between the eyes: "LMAO at insulting your intelligence. It was more the "lack there of" I was referring to. Thanks for the "good day" though. You do the same. Long live Michael Vick an American Icon!"

Here's someone else I don't know jumping on the heap, "...This whole post and video has made me physically sick to my stomach. How uneducated and misinformed you both really are. Funny how both Denise and 'Crazy Dude' both had to "leave" when the posts started questioning their facts."

So what have we learned here:
1. I need to learn how to un-friend and block people, especially the crazy ones.
2. Apparently anonymity is not necessary to hurl big rocks at people who probably live in your town.
3. One should find a way to get Facebook access at work for emergency untagging situations.

The scariest outcome: my second cousin friended the crazy dude because she likes to quote "have lively debate". I am at a loss. I find the collision of unrelated areas of my life disturbing. It's like having a dinner party every hour of the day and letting everyone you've ever known meet. No good can come from that - especially when we're talking about crazy vacuum cleaner marijuana dude and the right wing cousin.

Thanks for listening to my long pointless, probably not so funny to anyone but me, post. I'm out of practice....

Tell me your bad Facebook stories so I don't feel so bad. Please.