Sunday, May 31, 2009

I'm an Angry Woman and I Don't Care if You Like Me

*steps onto soapbox* 

Stop reading now if it drives you nuts when I get up here and rant. I'll warn you in advance that I don't give a shit if I get flamed for this because it's my blog and I'm taking it and going home. So there....

I stopped being passionate about things a few years ago because I realized that at the end of the day I didn't accomplish anything and only managed to upset myself. Yes, I recognize this is an apathetic approach to life but it keeps me sane.  To quote my father, the master of the cliche, "Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and most of the time they stink".  


Here's my problem.  Lately I've acquired this child and the fire burning beneath the surface has reared its ugly head.  See I may have become apathetic about things that impact me, but I have a really hard time being apathetic about things that impact her.  I'm not political or religiously inclined, but I take exception to people who want to control my body or put my health at risk.  So all the usual suspects piss me off - the status of healthcare, the influence of big pharma, the abortion debate and the latest addition to my personal club of hate ...the vaccination drama.

Everybody's gotta point the finger at someone when something bad happens. My husband likes to shit all over Americans for being so litigious. He likes to say things like, "you know, sometimes people just die and that's the way it goes and it doesn't mean you're entitled to turn around and sue the doctor just because they happened to be in proximity".  Actually you are entitled and that's part of the challenge - you are entitled to point the finger whether it's right or wrong.  The right to point the finger is the cornerstone of our society. It levels the playing field - all people rich or poor can fight when they've been legitimately wronged. Legitimately is such a subjective concept.

Yea I know, there's a big old conspiracy out there trying to mislead the sheep.  We shouldn't trust big pharma, be an informed consumer of medical advice, blah blah blah.  I get it. But here's the deal, some people aren't smart enough to to digest and make an informed decision. They are the reason why there are warnings on plastic packing material that tell you that it poses a suffocation hazard.  These people are not smart enough to consume, digest and then choose a course of action.  They are the very same people who don't understand that shit just happens sometimes and it doesn't give you the right to poison the well for everyone else.


So who gets the venom today (aside from all the vaccine haters out there) - Pennsylvania.  They let unvaccinated children mingle with the vaccinated ones. I stab my kid in the legs every few months to build immunity. I can live with the crying and crank ass she becomes because I'm taking one for the team. I know that she's healthier for it and so are the rest of the kids who can't be vaccinated for actual medical reasons.  I'm also taking one for the kids whose parents probably spent too much time with plastic bags over their heads as children because no one told their idiot parents that oxygen deprivation causes brain damage.  Good thing for those warnings these days...

I keep my fingers crossed that my kid makes it through the vaccination schedule without coming into contact with some child of an ill informed fanatic who happens to be carrying something she has yet to be vaccinated against.  In the mean time I will do my part to make sure that she stays well.  

*steps off soapbox*

PS - for anyone who thinks I'm being mean, please know that I refrained from making a comment about Darwinian theory.  Ooops, I guess I didn't.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Today, Yesterday, Random Stuff....

My dentist is the bestest ever. Aside from being the nicest guy you could ever meet, he likes to sing little songs without words while he works on your teeth. It's a bit like humming with an occasional be bops or boos. His staff is also nice, talking to his receptionist is a bit like mainlining sugar. This is not an exaggeration.

So why you ask would I be yammering on about my dentist (especially since my cleaning isn't scheduled until the 29th)? He and his wife sent us a baby gift. She (I'll give his wife credit for this one) sent a little set of socks and a gorgeous crocheted hat. All found at one of my favorite neighborhood boutiques - Their website is crap right now, but worth a visit if you're in the Philadelphia area. Last I was there they carried Patricia Locke it.

Anyway, I digress. So aside from being a really nice guy, he's a good dentist.

It's also a good night because I guilted my husband into writing 3 thank you notes. Yes that's right people - 3 whole thank you notes. I think I beg him on a daily basis but apparently tonight the planets were aligned. Why you ask don't I just suck it up and write the notes myself. Simple - if they wrote to us in German, they will be thanked in German. I think that makes perfect sense. If he didn't want to write these thank you notes then SOMEONE shouldn't have sent out birth announcements. Mmmhmmm - yes, I'm talking to you husband.

The big news lately is that our kid has started rolling from her back to her stomach. Tonight I found her screaming in her bed twice after we had put her down. The first time she rolled halfway over and got stuck on her side. Clearly this made her unhappy and so she screeched until we came to fix it. About 30 minutes later she managed to roll over, wedge her arm between the crib bars and then thwack her head into the bars while yelping at us. I can tell already this mobility thing is trouble. No good can come from a wildly unstable human being jerking around - just ask my dear friend in London. I seem to recall an evening after polishing off a bottle of Jose involved a front flip, shot glasses in both pockets and the need to lock someone in their own home.

Speaking of accidents...the poop in this house is reaching a critical level. The other day she came home from "school" with a note that said she was changed because of extreme excrement.

1. You have to love anyone that uses the word excrement. I tend to think that only applies to rodents and other small creatures. Apparently it also applies to my kid.
2. At least said child is smart enough not to have extreme excrement at home most of the time. It's almost like she saves it up for them. She's a smart kid - poop on the people we pay, not your mother.

Ok and this is where I'll renew your faith that I'm still a nasty bitch. There's a mother here in our building that I reluctantly met one day in the lobby. Our kid's are roughly the same age. I can't be sure but I think she may have been in the remedial classes in school. The conversation was reminiscent of a conversation I recently had with cafeteria lady in my office. Aside from that she wears sweatpants in public and asked me if I would be interested in a play date. Seriously? For 4 month olds? It's times like this that I thank my lucky stars I get up and go to work every day and don't have to take stroller power walks with elastic waist pants chick.

Ok enough. Here's my parting gift to you all, a little something to entertain you for hours. Thanks JR - this is a real gem. Read the comments. One word. Awesome.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Small Town or 7th Circle of Hell?

I grew up in a town of roughly 20K people. We used to joke that there were 3 families that lived there and they basically continued to breed amongst themselves. Seriously, everyone in the town had one of three last names. If they didn't have one of those last names, they were a cousin of those people. This is not an exaggeration.

There has to be something in the water. The whole place breeds unusually attractive men. Unfortunately these men are dumb as rocks, but nonetheless hot. (In college we had a name for those boys. It's not nice enough to put in writing...even for this blog).

The town broadcasts the local beauty pageant on public access television. All the girls have "a talent" but unfortunately they don't have any "talent". This is the same public access channel that produced the non-Emmy award winning show, Telemart that I mentioned here. Do you think they forced them to wear those colors or was that voluntary? Which brings me to the next item...

Despite the fact that this place is only about 30 miles west of Philadelphia somehow bad taste mutates and proliferates. I couldn't quite get the camera out fast enough to catch this one from the front, but I think you get the picture... The acid wash, fade from light to dark is awesome in it's hideousness. There were also a plethora of short shorts on fattie fats. Those were usually strategically paired with really tight tank tops (spaghetti straps mandatory).

People also have an obsession with their cars and the speakers in those cars. If the speakers are loud enough to rupture eardrums and make small children cry then it's considered a good start. This might explain why this was part of the parade...

These are the same people that you see hanging out at the car wash on a Saturday night. What on earth do you do at a car wash?

What a silly question...the car wash is where you drink your 40 of Old E, with your cousins, in your acid washed jeans.... duh.