In only 10 short months....

We will be going to the 2008 World Championship Punkin Chunkin. For those of you who may require a bit of explanation, it's basically a bunch of wackadoos with huge cannons and catapults hurling pumpkins thousands of feet for the honor of being the one who threw it the furthest. After several weeks of anticipation, this was the event that my sister and her husband decided that we would attend together as our Christmas gift. I'm really excited as this seems to be a really scary event where I might see some really scary people. I've got money on Hell's Angels having a catapult team.

My husband and I will be taking them to NYC (via Greyhound since it's the only way we could keep it under $30 a person) to a taping of the Conan O'Brien show. After presenting them with this gift I learned that my brother-in-law has a well documented fear of buses. Apparently he's not the only one. I think we'll just dope him up and shove him on the bus. Nothing a bottle of Jack can't fix.

We also received a generous donation to the Human Fund from my parents and (quite possibly the coolest gift ever) a fondue set. My mother also likes to make sure there's some volume under the tree. Christmas, after all, has to look good too. So she's taken to wrapping up useful items for us to open. The highlight: Yellow Latex Cleaning Gloves.

Our gift to her? Money to the Hearing Aid Fund. We've raised $500 so far for my mother's ears. Interest rates on the white envelope in my bedside table are not significant so growth has been slow. If you would like to donate to the Mama J Hearing Aid fund, please send donations to my gmail account via PayPal. No donation is too small and think of the two happy children who will never again have to hear, "What? WHAT? What did you say?" We're hoping that we can talk my father into being our corporate match partner. Sadly, we believe this is unlikely since we suspect he doesn't want her to hear.

Other than the gift giving bonanza, we've been eating like champs. And as a result, here are a few restaurants worth mentioning from the last 2-3 weeks.

The Fountain at The Four Seasons
I always find these types of places to be highly overrated. This one was not. I had the Maine Lobster Tail with chantarelle mushrooms, melted Leek and gnocchi ragout. To quote the annoying Ms. Ray - Delish! Best on someone elses dime, but really worth trying to find someone to take you there. Plus the sommelier has a cute French accent.

Matyson - 37 S 19th Street, Philadelphia, PA (BYO)
I tried this place for lunch and wasn't impressed but went back for dinner anyway. Glad I went back - dinner was fantastic. I can't remember what I ate, probably due to the bottles of wine consumed but I remember it was good.

Tango Bistro - 37 Morris Avenue, Bryn Mawr, PA
Duck Confit Salad that was supremely tasty and a Chilean Sea Bass with a Thai Peanut Sauce and some shredded bok choy and other unidentifiable stuff. The sea bass was perfectly prepared. mmm mmm good.

Osteria - 640 North Broad Street, Philadelphia, PA
I've been trying to go to this place for months and every time I think of it I then forget and when I do remember they can't take us until 10:30 at night. We finally went and it was well worth the wait. R.B. - this is the date spot you were looking for. We tried a bunch of stuff from the menu. A wonderful Duck Liver Pate that just melted in your mouth, Pheasant Salame with Frisee, Walnuts and a Cranberry Jelly, a Vegetable Antipasti and an oven pizza with Ham, Gruyere and Spinach. If it's any indication of how good this place was, the waiter had to practically rip the plate out of my husbands hands...I think he wanted to lick it. A word to the wise - don't get stuck at the table next to the Meat Slicer. Apparently someone thought it a novel idea to have the slicer in the dining room and put a table for two right next to it. We were fortunate enough to not sit at that table, but the people next to us weren't so lucky and clearly didn't appreciate the kitsch.

Hopefully Santa brought you all what you were looking for and if not, Kwanzaa is a good time to find the stuff you wish you got, on sale. Happy Holidays & Habari Gani!

Don't be a Delinquent Parent....

I really like reading people’s holiday party FAQs. It’s a little opportunity for them to be witty and funny while conveying important information. I am convinced that this is almost exclusively a polite way to say “we know you think your kids are so special, but they’re not. and I don’t like the way little Jimmy gives me the hairy eyeball when I stumble by hammered on cheap wine”. It’s important that people know that children don’t belong at an evening party with alcohol. Shocking revelation, I know. This is apparently one of those things that people today don’t think about. Or perhaps they were raised by raging alcoholics that dragged them to parties. (Don’t laugh, my old neighbors were lost in a bottle of rum most days and probably didn’t know their kids were still following them around).

In any event I recently received an invitation to a co-worker’s party. This co-worker and I met at the party of another former co-worker. We didn’t know each other then and we still don’t work together, but since we spent several hours in the suburbs together being less than social, we bonded. His wife seemed cool and he was wearing jeans that didn’t suck. I liked them. They’re sort of like city people that have been transplanted into the suburbs. They’re way too funny and cool to live in Schwenksville. Just the name is enough to tell you that it’s not the sort of place that appreciates the importance of good jeans. (No offense intended to Schwenksville; I haven’t the faintest idea where it is or what’s there.)

I’ve included his FAQs below because they made me laugh out loud. This may actually be reason enough to figure out where Schwenksville is…


Frequently Asked Questions!!!

Can I expect a big raise if I’ve done a great job at work this year? Uh – these FAQs are all supposed to be party-related. That written, yeah, sure, why not.

What should I do with all of that money? Hell-looo…party questions?? But, um, max out your 401k contribution if you haven't already.

You know you booked your party smack-dab in the middle of Hanukkah, right?
I know now. I hope you don't think that I'm culturally insensitive.

Can I bring anything to your party? I get asked that question frequently when I have a party. If you’d like, you can bring a beverage or snacks or some blow….pops. Charms Blow Pops.

When I get to your party, can I have something to eat? Sure!

What are you having? That’s kind of impolite. But we’ll repeat a lot of last year’s menu....the hot and cold dips...chili dogs..and, new this year, pulled pork with homemade 'slathering sauce'!

Pulled pork on a Saturday night in the middle of Hanukkah. Let me guess, you're.....Catholic?? Kinda sorta.

What about the Pometinis [pomegranate martinis]from last year? '06 guest feedback revealed fear over spilling red drinks on the light rug. We’re still deciding if we’ll switch the '07 signature party cocktail to something clear.

Like what?
Ethanol

Can I bring a guest? Yes.

Can I bring my kids? Adults only, please.

What do you have against kids? Their low tolerance for alcohol.

So hold it, you’ve served alcohol to kids? Not intentionally.

What is that supposed to mean? It means exactly what I said.

So? A while back I had a party where I let people bring kids. At this same party I invented a delicious new drink made with tequila & Hawaiian Punch, for which I coined the catchy name ‘agave juicebox’. Needless to say, people loved it, and all night long I mixed batch upon batch of these. And with each batch I would pour ‘em out and shout “Who’s ready for another round of juiceboxes!?’ Then I’d turn my back to make more, and each time I turned around the previous batch had disappeared. I just figured that it was adults grabbing them -- while the Wiggles rocked the house on the stereo.

Did you actually serve the drinks in wax paper boxes? No – to avoid confusion I poured them in to Disney-themed paper Dixie cups.

What the hell? I know, I know….by the time I caught on to what was happening my floor was covered with sleeping children and empty Dixie cups. It looked like a cross between nap-time at day care and Jonestown.

And where were the parents while all this was going on? That’s what I wanted to know!! Turns out, they thought the music sucked so they all went outside.

And then? As a condition of the settlement, I’ve told you everything that I’m permitted to say.