On a random side note, I would like to also complain about people without manners. Today I was standing with 3 coworkers around 5PM. There was a woman there ahead of us who had hit the down button. In our building the elevators don't stay open very long and if you happen to be standing on the wrong side of the elevator bank then you really have to hustle to get to the elevator before the doors shut. So the elevator comes, the lady jumps in and as we're walking toward her the doors start to shut. So I reached out on my way past the call button, hit the down button again to reopen the doors and said, "Oh, for real?". At which point I walked onto the elevator in my 8 month pregnant glory and shot her a dirty look. She stared at the buttons (in shame...or at least I like to think she did).
I can look past it when people pretend they don't see you and let the door close within inches of you getting there. I can even forgive them when they look at the floor as the doors close instead of looking you in the eye. But, to walk into the elevator that everyone has been waiting for and let it shut on people is a sign that you have been raised by wild animals. Animals. And not the cute furry kind that people like.
This made me think of the time my father went postal on some woman at Costco. I can only relay the story second hand as I wasn't privileged enough to be present. He and my mother were in line to return a sweater. In front of them a woman was returning a half used sleeve of disposable plates, some opened plastic flatware, a 5lb tub of potato salad with a few scoops out of it and a carrot cake with 2 slices missing. Costco apparently doesn't ask questions they just take the return to make everyone happy. The returned food went directly in the trash. My father was horrified that this woman was clearly returning the half used leftovers of a party. So he called her a skank. Out loud. To her face. (I find this mildly amusing since skank is one of my favorite words) He also announced to the entire customer service line that that woman was the reason why prices were so high everywhere and she should be ashamed of herself.
I only have one question. Am I going to be that crazy screaming person someday?
I also vividly recall going to a restaurant with him last year in the middle of the winter and after about 35 people had walked in and stood with the door open (freezing everyone in the restaurant) he had endured enough and screamed at them, "What part of Jersey are you from, shut the damn door...". It was a bit like a blanket of silence descending on the entire restaurant. My friend from NY thought it was funny. I was mortified. My mother didn't seem phased. I really couldn't argue, they were a bunch of dumb asses standing there in 10 degree weather with the door open. But again, the better question is - will I someday be that crazy?
I highlight our dinner table conversation Sunday night as proof that insanity and embarrassment has a long history in my family.
My cousin had come to look at my grandmother's legs. She has a history of some sort of skin cancer and we asked him to come check out a lump on her leg since he's a dermatologist. He stayed for dinner. My grandmother had other plans. She wanted to sleep. She only stayed awake because she heard we were going to have dessert. The only thing she likes more than sleeping is eating cake.
Grandmother (after dessert): I'm going to sleep now
My Father (teasing her because he's like that): He's going to wake you up every 4 hours to check your leg.
Grandmother: What the hell for?
My Father: You heard him, we have to keep an eye on it.
Grandmother: Oh, I thought I was going to get a piece.
Seriously? Does she even know what that means? She can't remember her own name yet she somehow has the wherewithal to be a dirty old woman.
Maybe I'm the milkman's kid...
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