Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Random Musings from Those Trapped in their Homes

A few humorous items.

1. My husband is trying to systematically freeze me to death. He has commandeered the thermostat now that our heating bill is the equivalent of a monthly payment on a mid size BMW. He has put it on a program where by I am cold for most of the waking hours in my home. He told me I should wear a sweater around the house. This is the worst kind of torture. I like to be warm and we now sleep in a freezer. That part I don't especially mind, it's the waking up and showering in the freezer that bother me. I showered in 60 degree weather. That my friends, sucks it. He has been put on notice that if the house isn't warm for my shower, he can sleep in the driveway and I don't much care because.....he can put on a sweater.

2. Yet another old college roommate surfaces on Facebook. This one was one of my favorites. She was this cheese ball Italian Catholic (think Jersey Shore, minus the bad accent). She had these crazy long nails that she spent hours fussing and preening over. She drove a giant white Cadillac. Her parent's house was in the suburbs - hair salon the ground floor & marble entry way into the house. There were mirrors and glass furniture. If you can think of a bad Italian stereotype, she was it.

She will never connect to me or my other roommate. We had a falling out over a busted up 50lb television that she refused to remove from the apartment after she left. We forced her brother to come carry it out. Apparently, requiring Princess to actually do some work offended her delicate sensibilities.

Here's one of my favorite Italian Princess stories - I should start by telling you that my one roommate (the one I still like) is like a Jeopardy champion. Or at least the "knowledge bowl" high school version of it - which, coincidentally, was on tape thanks to her mom and we liked to show it to people. I digress. Anyway so the point is, she was the one who knew all manner of random trivia bits. Then there was Princess who frankly was a bit retarded....unless you count knowing how to polish nails. Oh ok, I'll give her that. She had a bright future as a nail technician if she ever made it through her undergraduate psychology program.

So the one day we have this discussion about this giant Tupperware container of soup on the counter.

Princess: You guys better get rid of that before it gets maggots.
Me: Well, the lid is on so I think we're safe.
Princess: Nuh uh, it can still get maggots.
Knowledge Bowl Champion: Ummm, actually it can't because maggots are fly larvae and if there aren't any flies then there aren't any maggots.
Princess: Nuh uh, my brother and I knew this lady who died in her house and it was sealed up tight and no one found her for like....awhile and when they found her there were maggots all over her.
Knowledge Bowl Champion: Umm yea, clearly there was a fly somewhere in the house before the windows were closed.
Princess: You don't know that for sure.
Knowledge Bowl Champion: Ummmm, yes I do. Remember that whole experiment with the meat and the netting that you learned about in science class? They kind of DID prove this one.


This is also the same girl who told me that I would be struck down dead by Jesus for suggesting that Catholics should spend less money on Vatican City.

So she has apparently bred. From the looks of it, there's a mini Italian Princess now. God help us all.

#3 I would just like to quickly write a letter to the universe here.

Dear Universe,
What's up? What did I ever do to you? I sort of understand the whole getting my period thing. I mean that happens every 28 days whether I like it or not. I even sort of understood the congested head & sore throat What I REALLY don't get is the double pink eye. I mean seriously? Two words. Not cool.

So not cool.....

3 comments:

lostonthetubes said...

OK - 1. he's European All their houses are cold, and they all wear sweaters. In Jon's old house, you had to wear a sweater with a fleecy lining and a scarf.
2. No matter how often I heard the maggot story it cracks me up
3. How much do I love being called "Knowledge Bowl Champion"?!?

Yes, it's ME said...

Regarding the sweater issue - his mother told him "oh she's American, it may be difficult to teach her that."

Dolly said...

Laughed my guts out lady! Your a hoot:) Love your blog-super cool:)