I write to you on behalf of my poor friend in Virginia with nothing to do. She’s going through a rough patch at work and is bored out of her mind. Typical in our crappy industry, we hit periodic stretches of downtime that make you want to beat your head against the wall. Sure it sounds fun to sit around and do nothing and get paid. In fact it is fun…for about 6 hours.
In that time you’ve responded to all your email, caught up with your long lost friends, ordered every book online you’ve ever wanted, scheduled all those overdue doctor’s appointments and now you’re staring at the news tickers willing something interesting to happen so that you have something to read.
So I beg of you….give her something to read. She actually sent me a harassing email asking me if I was ever going to post again because she needs something to read. So really, you would be doing me a favor as well (since I have nothing to say lately and she seems to be getting desperate). I’ve included below a list of the blogs that I’ve sent her to date and those that I just pulled together. Please – she needs some new material!
Already sent:
www.dooce.com
http://bartlebysunite.tumblr.com
And here are a few more I haven’t sent her yet:
http://www.catherinette.com/
http://www.gawker.com
http://15minutelunch.blogspot.com
http://thelastpsychiatrist.com
http://gofugyourself.celebuzz.com/
http://www.waiterrant.net
http://theassimilatednegro.blogspot.com
So please, leave your favorite blogs and sites in the comments – anything as long as it doesn’t involve shopping online. She will thank you, her husband will thank you.
Happy reading!
Showing posts with label blogs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blogs. Show all posts
Friday, October 17, 2008
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Ode to the Tamarind
This is awesome. Of all the people I've insulted over the years, this is certainly the most ridiculous. Some of you may recall a post of mine back in April about the time my husband dragged me to the Aldi when we were first living together.
This morning as I was enjoying my morning coffee (with caffeine, I don't care what you say about me) I looked in my email and found that some offended Spanish person had commented on this post.
"Offended Spanish Person said...
Typical white people. spicy latin foods make you instinctively go yuck!
Tamarind is a fruit. It is grown in pods, similar ot beans, and is popular in latin areas liek the carribbean and central/south america and southeast asia.
It's amazing how something can be popular in more than half the globe and white people have no idea it exists,now you know how we feel about bland, flavorless foods like wonderbread that you people seem to LOVE.
P.S. If you had been less lazy and maybe read the packaging you wouldn't have bought them. How hard is it to notice in big letters FRUTAS ENCHILADAS: aka fruits IN CHILIS!""
Yes, that's me. Just your typical Wonder Bread eating white person. My mother might have an aneurysm if she read that. Call her a progressive hippie tree hugger, but don't ever say she fed her children Wonder Bread. She would sooner die than feed us bread that was softer than a paving stone!
So I would like to respond to this poor offended Spanish person.
Dear Offended Spanish Person,
Please accept my heartfelt apologies. I in no way intended to offend the tamarind fruit or the culinary palate of "half the globe". I can certainly commiserate with your disdain for Wonder Bread. Perhaps you should also put Marshmallow Fluff and hydrogenated peanut butter on that list of bad food of the white man. Hell, I might also suggest adding - Hamburger Helper, Kraft Mac-N-Cheese and a helping of SPAM for good measure.
Indeed, it appears I was a bit lazy in not carefully inspecting the packaging. Certainly this product was in it's primary market. (I'm certain that neighborhood consumes tamarind by the truckload.) Clearly it was an error on my part to assume that I would find sugary sweet delight in the Jolly Rancher bag.
And finally, I must apologize for my lack of sarcasm and poor writing skills in the aforementioned post. Quiet honestly I could give a shit about the Tamarind or the chili lollipops. The real intention was to poke fun of my husband and his love of all things German. Clearly I missed the mark. I am shamed to admit that my humor must have been overcome by my vicious "instinctive white people hate" of Latin food.
Hallelujah! It's like uncovering childhood abuse through hypnotic therapy. Who knew I had such a fondness for squishy delightful white bread. Your comment on my post has opened up a whole new world to me. I think I'll go make myself a fluffer nutter right now.
I do hope you can forgive me and I think I speak on behalf of all white people everywhere when I tell you that we mean no harm to your "fuit, grown in pods, similar to beans". We just can't help ourselves, we're culturally stunted by consumer products and our oppressive parents.
Sincerely,
An Enlightened White Person
This morning as I was enjoying my morning coffee (with caffeine, I don't care what you say about me) I looked in my email and found that some offended Spanish person had commented on this post.
"Offended Spanish Person said...
Typical white people. spicy latin foods make you instinctively go yuck!
Tamarind is a fruit. It is grown in pods, similar ot beans, and is popular in latin areas liek the carribbean and central/south america and southeast asia.
It's amazing how something can be popular in more than half the globe and white people have no idea it exists,now you know how we feel about bland, flavorless foods like wonderbread that you people seem to LOVE.
P.S. If you had been less lazy and maybe read the packaging you wouldn't have bought them. How hard is it to notice in big letters FRUTAS ENCHILADAS: aka fruits IN CHILIS!""
Yes, that's me. Just your typical Wonder Bread eating white person. My mother might have an aneurysm if she read that. Call her a progressive hippie tree hugger, but don't ever say she fed her children Wonder Bread. She would sooner die than feed us bread that was softer than a paving stone!
So I would like to respond to this poor offended Spanish person.
Dear Offended Spanish Person,
Please accept my heartfelt apologies. I in no way intended to offend the tamarind fruit or the culinary palate of "half the globe". I can certainly commiserate with your disdain for Wonder Bread. Perhaps you should also put Marshmallow Fluff and hydrogenated peanut butter on that list of bad food of the white man. Hell, I might also suggest adding - Hamburger Helper, Kraft Mac-N-Cheese and a helping of SPAM for good measure.
Indeed, it appears I was a bit lazy in not carefully inspecting the packaging. Certainly this product was in it's primary market. (I'm certain that neighborhood consumes tamarind by the truckload.) Clearly it was an error on my part to assume that I would find sugary sweet delight in the Jolly Rancher bag.
And finally, I must apologize for my lack of sarcasm and poor writing skills in the aforementioned post. Quiet honestly I could give a shit about the Tamarind or the chili lollipops. The real intention was to poke fun of my husband and his love of all things German. Clearly I missed the mark. I am shamed to admit that my humor must have been overcome by my vicious "instinctive white people hate" of Latin food.
Hallelujah! It's like uncovering childhood abuse through hypnotic therapy. Who knew I had such a fondness for squishy delightful white bread. Your comment on my post has opened up a whole new world to me. I think I'll go make myself a fluffer nutter right now.
I do hope you can forgive me and I think I speak on behalf of all white people everywhere when I tell you that we mean no harm to your "fuit, grown in pods, similar to beans". We just can't help ourselves, we're culturally stunted by consumer products and our oppressive parents.
Sincerely,
An Enlightened White Person
Monday, December 31, 2007
To Whom it May Concern:
I would like to point out two things to the people that read this blog.
People - please learn to use the comments functionality. Let me allay any fears you may have. It's totally anonymous unless you click on the little thing that says nickname and then you can decide to put your name in or not. You can call yourself whatever you'd like. Just click the little comments button and give me a few good suggestions for a new name. Or perhaps just tell me why you read this stupid thing...maybe it will give me some good ideas.
There will be prizes for most creative name (either for the blog or for comments posting). Here are a few you may not use. Why? Because I said so and it's my contest.
Frito Bandito
Mary Poppins
Bubba Bubba Bubba
Enrico Palazzo
Have a wonderful New Year. My resolution this year is to figure out mobile blogging. Then I can torture you all directly from my blackberry. Won't that be a fun new year? I leave you with a few gems from my Google reader. Please feel free to share your favorites, I'm in desperate need of some new material to read.
www.waiterrant.net
www.nomorewastedpaper.wordpress.com
www.thelastpsychiatrist.com
www.irategary.blogspot.com
("a collection of articles and posts about misandry, womyn, and the fallacies of feminism"- this isn't so much for enjoyment... this guy is pretty much a woman hating A-Hole. I like to picture him as an emasculated loser who plays with his undersized man bits in front of a computer in the basement while his wife screams at him from upstairs. No offense to the bean counters out there, but this douche is an accountant - we all saw that one coming. Did his babysitter torture him as a child? Maybe his chronic halitosis has kept women just out of reach of his squirrelly little paws. Read, learn, fight the man...literally.)
- My site counter just cracked 1K hits since it's inception. While I recognize this is almost nothing compared to a real website, it's me and I'm happy with my silly little site. I think I'll reset the counter - whee!
- My blog has a really lame name. (I'm talking about the "MySpace" header thingy..)
People - please learn to use the comments functionality. Let me allay any fears you may have. It's totally anonymous unless you click on the little thing that says nickname and then you can decide to put your name in or not. You can call yourself whatever you'd like. Just click the little comments button and give me a few good suggestions for a new name. Or perhaps just tell me why you read this stupid thing...maybe it will give me some good ideas.
There will be prizes for most creative name (either for the blog or for comments posting). Here are a few you may not use. Why? Because I said so and it's my contest.
Frito Bandito
Mary Poppins
Bubba Bubba Bubba
Enrico Palazzo
Have a wonderful New Year. My resolution this year is to figure out mobile blogging. Then I can torture you all directly from my blackberry. Won't that be a fun new year? I leave you with a few gems from my Google reader. Please feel free to share your favorites, I'm in desperate need of some new material to read.
www.waiterrant.net
www.nomorewastedpaper.wordpress.com
www.thelastpsychiatrist.com
www.irategary.blogspot.com
("a collection of articles and posts about misandry, womyn, and the fallacies of feminism"- this isn't so much for enjoyment... this guy is pretty much a woman hating A-Hole. I like to picture him as an emasculated loser who plays with his undersized man bits in front of a computer in the basement while his wife screams at him from upstairs. No offense to the bean counters out there, but this douche is an accountant - we all saw that one coming. Did his babysitter torture him as a child? Maybe his chronic halitosis has kept women just out of reach of his squirrelly little paws. Read, learn, fight the man...literally.)
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