Note to Self: Wear Practical Shoes so You Can Run from the Bad Man

I just walked home from work. It's less than 10 blocks and since I was in not-so-sensible shoes I was concentrating on not tripping on the pavement and knocking out my teeth (a phobia of mine stemming from early childhood, story for another day). Somewhere around the 5 block marker a weird guy looks over and says "Hey, how are you?". I say "Fine thank you" and check my left hand to make sure I've remembered to wear my wedding band. Ring on - check. Next I thought he had mistaken me for someone he knew. My hope faded as the blocks passed.

Block 1: I learned he'd had a long day and now had to go to school

Block 2: He has off for Columbus Day but he was bummed because he had to paint his house. However his friend was coming over to help. He hasn't had off for Columbus Day since high school.

Block 3: Are they giving you the day off? he asks. I said "who?". (I thought this might be a good way to point out that we don't know each other) He said "your work." (No luck, he is fully aware he is talking to a stranger) He works for PNC. I asked him if Blackrock was still in the same building or had they moved to the Merrill office. He asked me how I had known that (in a weird accusatory way like I knew industry secrets); he's going to check his notes from the last meeting (uh, didn't that happen like a year ago??)

Block 4: He wants to get into securities or foreign trading.

Block 5: He was saying something, I wasn't listening because I was fast approaching my front door and I didn't want him to see where I lived. I decided at this point to walk past my front door and around the block. I said good-bye and tried not to run (not that it was possible in my 3 inch heels anyway).

This was the second time in less than a week that someone trapped me to tell me weird things about themselves. This past weekend I went to a bridal shower. Everyone knows that even the nicest shower is painful enough. I made it though, won a prize at shower bingo and thought I was home free. Then enters the groom's father. I now know the following:

1. Times were tough in '67 when he got married, no one gave him nice stuff like this, the best gift he got was $10.
2. He hasn't spoken to his brother in 10 years
3. His mother died and screwed up her will
4. He bought his brother out of his share of the mother's house for $70K
5. His real estate agent took a commission on that of $3500 (criminal!)
6. Same real estate agent had the house on the market for 9 months, advised him to take $250K
7. Had to pay capital gains on the house the following year because it was "bought" for $70K when he purchased it from his brother and sold for $250K
8. New owner sold the place for over $500K only a year later without making any improvements
9. His mother didn't gift any of her money to him or his brother and they had to pay tax on all of it.
10. He bought his first house for $32K and put $18K down but because his father paid him in cash he couldn't prove his income and the bank wouldn't qualify him for a colonial. He had to take a bi-level but in retrospect this was a good thing because he only has a few steps now.
11. After paying mortgage payments for 2 years he went to the bank to see how much he owed and basically hadn't made a dent in the principle. He was angry about the interest and so he went home, got the cash and paid off the loan.
12. And finally, his mother shouldn't have died. They brought four ambulances and none of them had defibrillator paddles on them. Had she not died he's quite certain she would have sorted out the will, the money and the house in time to die.

About 45 minutes later his wife intervened and told him he had to go home. I walked back to the house and found his three children and the bride-to-be laughing hysterically about the fact that he had trapped me for 45 minutes. He apparently chooses one unsuspecting female at every event to corner and torture. They also told me that their mother gets insanely jealous of him talking to young women. They also described their parents as Archie & Enid, if that gives you any perspective. Great.....making friends already.

Why do people feel the need to share their lives with total strangers? I guess I could ask myself the same question since I'm here blogging away for the world to see. I think the difference is I won't likely see all of you at a wedding in 3 months.

So when you feel tempted to do the "over share" just remember that the person on the other end may have a blog and your bizarre behavior will be forever memorialized on the Internet.