Monday, October 8, 2007

Plungers Rock!

My cousin came over for dinner last night. He saved me from an evil eye infection while I was in San Francisco by calling in a prescription. The least I can do is make him dinner. He's also a bachelor and I have visions of him eating out every night or ordering take out so I feel compelled to cook for him. This is probably not even close to the truth but it gives me an excuse to have company come for dinner.

I asked what he wanted me to make and he decided on spaghetti bolognese. Hmmm, never made it but I figured what the hell. This better be good after the mess I knew I was about to make. My dear husband decided to go to a German/American beer tasting event. He left and told me he would be home in two hours.

1PM: Start of the sauce is in the saute pan. Used half a brick of butter - no wonder these things always taste so good. Sliced into thumb nail, took brief interlude to cut remainder of nail off.

2PM: Did something with tomatoes in a blender. Too many pots and pans on the stove. Slightly out of control. Large quantities of veal and pork added.

3PM: Sauce mooshed together. Husband was still at the beer tasting and called to tell me he had managed to get far drunker than anticipated. Hung up, started caramelizing onions.

4PM: Attempted to cut ridiculously small organic carrots & parsnips diagonally. Gave up and busted out mandolin. A very nice warning on the blade told me that I should proceed with caution because it is very sharp. Cut other thumb nail, took second break to cut remainder of last thumbnail off. Dump mess of veggies in ziplock to marinate.

Took shower to remove kitchen funk from myself.

5PM: Pulled veggie mess out of ziplock to begin layering. Recipe called for fennel - no fennel at the Whole Foods. Decided to do a carrot/parsnip ensemble instead. Threw in some Anise seeds - that sort of tastes like fennel - right? Realized garbage disposal was shooting water in the wrong direction. Stuck a hand in the disposal, pulled out carrot and parsnip mess. Still no luck. Called maintenance. Apparently this is not an emergency and it will wait until tomorrow. Don't they know I'm TRYING TO COOK! Sent text message to husband: "u better not show up drunk 5 mins before dinner or you're going to be very hungry tonight". Realized I smell like garlic.

6PM: No husband yet. Preheating oven for veggie mess. OCD kicked in. Desperately wanted to wash 5 qt saute pan. Considering bathtub. Husband arrived and started snacking in the fridge. Put veggie mess in the oven. Realized I'd used the wrong cheese in the veggie mess. Crap. Decide to wash pan in bathtub. Managed to get sauce funk on shower curtain. Double Crap. Husband started nagging because he wanted to make beef stock. (He enjoys choosing the most opportune times to do things that drive me crazy) At wits end, I told him he's not going in "my kitchen" to make a mess while I'm trying to cook and guest is arriving in one hour. He replied that it's "his kitchen" as well and that if I wanted my own kitchen I should have married someone who doesn't like to cook. I tell him I will kill him if he sets foot in there. He decided he would rather take a nap on the couch.

7PM: Cousin arrived, ate dinner. Bolognese sauce wasn't half bad. Declared edible by cousin and husband.

8PM: Sink situation was driving me mad. Kitchen looked like a bomb went off in it. Dishwasher was stuffed. Retrieved plunger from closet. Began plunging sink. A few minutes later a disgusting sucking sound came out of sink and it immediately drained. I rejoiced. Immediately began to obsess over fact that plunger was in kitchen sink. Disinfected everything in 4 foot radius of plunger activity.

I learned something new about myself. I take great joy in that sucking whirling sound. I was able to sleep soundly knowing that I didn't have 10lbs of dirty dishes and stagnant water in my kitchen.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Bolognese, dear, is SOOO not that difficult. A certain englishman even makes it on occasion.

Pan - add olive oil, when hot chuck in garlic & onion (& fennel if the whole foods has it). When soft, add peppers & ground beef (or veal or whatever, though veal is evil and wrong). When browned, add tinned tomatoes (fresh almost never works) basil, oregano, maybe a bay leaf, some red pepper flakes...anything that seems italian. Add some tomato paste and half a bottle of red wine. Cook as long as possible & bung on top of spaghetti. Finish w/ cheese.

Not quite sure what you were layering, but you almost definitely made it too hard on yourself