Wednesday, March 26, 2008

My Luck Done Run Out

Last Wednesday was an unfortunate day. Sometime between 2PM and 7PM my wallet was stolen. My hope that some nice soul would find and return it to me was quickly dashed when my credit card company called at 8AM to inquire if I had attempted a purchase of $1,600 at Wal*Mart. I suppose lightening doesn't strike twice.  Fortunately for me, the fraud departments are on the ball.

Had my friends, the wallet thieves, been smarter perhaps they would have gotten away with some loot. I offer the following critique to the not so bright losers that think they can steal from hardworking people like myself.

1. Don't assume anyone but your sorry ass shops at Wal*Mart. Seriously, when was the last time I set foot in a Wal*Mart... Oh wait, I remember, HIGH SCHOOL. And only then because it was the only place open 24 hours near our lame little town.

2. You should have paced yourselves, greedy bastards. Yes, running out to buy a brand new 47" LCD HDTV is what most normal people do on a Wednesday night. Totally part of my purchasing behavior. (This may be the only time in your life when you realize that predictability can be your saviour.)

3. Make an effort to understand the person from which you are attempting to steal. I assure you that a grand on shoes or handbags would have gotten you further towards your goal. Wal*Mart? Seriously. I am offended. (Is there something wrong with me?)

4. Your choice of venue. Did you know Wal*Mart has cameras at each of their checkout lines? Neither did I, but my crack security team at work did. They're coming after you and thanks to my little trip to the 9th District Police perhaps you'll have the opportunity to meet some new friends soon!

As irritating as this whole experience has been, the thing that makes me the most angry is my drivers license.  Did those people who took my wallet know what a pain in the butt it is to deal with PennDOT?  They're open about four and a half minutes a day and they don't take cash or credit cards.  I know this because I've tried twice already.  Wish me luck, I'm going back Saturday.

No comments: